have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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