You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
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