she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
