I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could order shots online.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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