Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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