From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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