Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
