i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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