My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
