I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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