Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
