you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
