I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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