you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
