btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
