Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
