I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i can't believe i had my finger in that
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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