You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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