no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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