my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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