The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
