I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
