My brain says no but my pants say off.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
