After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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