there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
