i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We have started to decorate penises.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
