i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
