i think my tv is drunk
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
