The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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