In the future we'll all be gay
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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