Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
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Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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