Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
