I puked a lego.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
