do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
