I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
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It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
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I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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