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Who wears a wallet chain?!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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