How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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