happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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