my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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