Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
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I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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