haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
3pm strippers are depressing
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sext me about skeletons
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
