It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
