Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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