you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
