The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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