the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I love you.
Bad choice
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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