I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Randomize
