Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
