i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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