at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Shame - the story of my life.
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