You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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