Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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