you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Text me some of your sweat
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