i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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