Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
