The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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