Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
