If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
