you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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