Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
