im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
