Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
