I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
