Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
don't judge my taste in strippers
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
