never play flip cup with pint glasses
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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