Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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