I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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