dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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