Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
