omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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