Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
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Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize