just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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