I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize