I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
