She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
