Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize