I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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