I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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