I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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