The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
