You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
