I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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