when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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